Q:I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A:Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that 's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q:Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A:You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.Beer is also made out of grain.Bottoms up! 

Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A:Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A:Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q:Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A:Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q:Is chocolate bad for me?
A:Are you crazy?  HELLOCocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:Is swimming good for your figure? 
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A:Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming'WOO HOO, What a ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

All you small penis owners need to listen up.  NOTHING you rub on it will make your penis larger!  Okay, it will make it grow, but not beyond your normal boner size.

All that stuff is simply a way to separate a  fool from his money. If you really need a bigger penis, you will need surgory, but the truth of the matter is you don’t need a bigger penis anyway you stack it.

It’s not fair that large penis owners like myself have to get thousands of spam emails in my email box

It’s that time of year and the carnival has come to town.  I loaded my kids up and away we went.  The lines were terribly long this year and it seemed everything we wanted to do meant we had to wait 15 - 20 minutes before we could begin.  A great time was had by all of us though, so I guess it was worth the wait.

IT was at the carnival that I noticed that my family, being all white, stood out amongst the crowd of nearly all Hispanics.  I know that I live in an area where migrant workers come, but Washington State seems a long way from Mexico and I just have to wonder how it came to be that 98% of the people I am surrounded by are Mexican?

I have to admit I didn’t notice it at first.  We were probably there for an hour when I spotted someone with blonde hair and noticed how much she stood out from the rest of the crowd.  That’s when it hit me that among the 500 people in eye sight at that very moment there was only one other family that was white at the carnival.

I guess if you live in Southern California you would expect this, but Washington state is about as far north as it gets.  From what I read online the Hispanic population in the USA is growing at such a fast pace that within the next decade it will become the majority.

So what I am asking is,  do we white people get to register as a minority soon?  Will Spanish become the most used language?   Will Corn and burritos displace apple pie?

My oh my -  how the world is changing.